my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
