the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
