After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When are your genitals available?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
