His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
