So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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