This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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