so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
