I got chris browned last night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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