I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
