K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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