you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
