Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
