You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They have beer where we have blood.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
