You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
