how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
