You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
