is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
