He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
