your room smells of hookers.
And success
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
