operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
