If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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