allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
