You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
