wat bout pragnant strippers??
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
