Your mouth is God's brothel.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
