I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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