i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize