so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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