We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
