wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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