Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
