Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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