why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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