i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did I show you my penis last night?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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