so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
