eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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