I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
