That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
