I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
