theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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