I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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