I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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