I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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