if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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