so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize