my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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