You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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