it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
