Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
