Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
