i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
