I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
