I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
