Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
