Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
