So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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