So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
