He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
