I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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