I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
