i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize