that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is the high leading the old right now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
