I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
