I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
