Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
