Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
