Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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