did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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