Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
