i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
